The Work Of Byron Katie

I have a need that is not met.  Is it true?

I have been sharing about the levels of cause of migraine pain and getting back in the driver’s seat.  Back in control of migraines.  1.  Pain.  2.  Muscle Tension Referring Pain.  3.  Posture Causing Muscle Tension Causing Pain.  4.  Stress, Fear, and Beliefs Causing Posture Causing Muscle Tension Causing Pain.

This post will address the 4th level of belief and stress.  Travel with me and find where in time and space and with who you believe what I believed.

I was 9 years old sleeping in my bed under the covers cozy and warm.  My brother Mike came and woke me up and said “Mom died.”

In that moment I believed a bunch of thoughts including “She Died”, “I need her”, “I need her to not leave me alone”, and “I need her to love me”.  I have been believing that for 33 years.  15 of those years I have been doing The Work of Byron Katie (  Testing what I believe with inquiry on specific thoughts from a specific moment in time just like the ones from the situation described above.

Well I found myself writing a Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet on this moment and questioning those thoughts.

I need her love.  Is it true?

She is not there in that moment in the physical.

I need her love.  Is it true?

What do you say?

What happens when you believe you need someone who is not there?  I suffered for 33 years believing I needed her.  Hopeless.  Lack.

I need her love.  Is it true?

Answer that for yourself.  If you want peace and to find out what is true for you.  No right or wrong answer.

I need her love.  Is it true?  Can you absolutely know it is true?  Wait and find a Yes or No for these first 2 questions.  There may be many movies and emotions happening  as you watch and come back to waiting for a simple Yes or No.

Next question, how do you react when you believe that thought that you need her love when she is not there?  Suffering, pain, fear, terror and anguish.  This is where I panic and retreat or freeze.  I see a world where I can never get what I need.  That sucks, big time!  Part of me is stuck in that and seeing that everywhere through the days and years and relationships.  I see myself limping around carrying that pain.

Who would you be without that thought “I need her love”?  This is the next question, from that situation who would you be if you could not think I need her love?  Listen, wait…

Is it quieter?  Without suffering?  Amazingly delicious love lapping at my feet and all around me.  Filling me with love, solid, grounded and strong.  Wow, so good!

Those are the 4 questions of The Work of Byron Katie and the next part is finding turnarounds or opposites.  I need my love.  How is that true in that situation?  When I am clear about the love that is here I have it, here, mine.  That is what I have.  When I am aware of that I do not suffer panic trying to get love.  It keeps me clear, kind, and much more effective.

I do not need her love.  How is that true?  In that moment she is not there and I found in stillness and questioning I was Ok, loved.  I was in bed, with my covers and pillow.  My brother was there.  I was breathing and felt so much love.  No need to panic,  it did not bring mom back.  The panic did not change reality.  I have her love.  In me.

I need to love her.  Yes.  When I believe I need her love I blame her and make her wrong and the cause of my suffering.  I see her image and feel pain and sorrow.  Without the thought I need her love I feel it greet me gently all around, filling me and there is nothing I can do about it.  It makes me giggle and smile.

I am so grateful for this journey!  I wanted to share it with you.  There is a way out of suffering.  You are supported and invite you to test it.  Question the thoughts that scare you.  Be gentle.  Love you!